I'd venture to say that sexting is more intense and vulnerable than actual sex. IRL sex doesn't have RECEIPTS like sexting does, and it's hard to tell how ~into~ something the other person is when all you get back is Helvetica Neue. Cosmopolitan.com spoke with three anonymous twentysomething guys about their sexting preferences and practices (and their most prized sext convos) in a much-needed effort to figure out what exactly men even want when it comes to sexting.
How old are you?
Man A: Twenty-one.Man B: Twenty-four.Man C: Twenty-three.
Which app do you use to sext?
Man A: Primarily Snapchat. Man B: Just good ol' iMessage. Man C: Just my usual means of communication. Facebook Messenger, Gchat occasionally.
What's the best sext you've ever received?
Man A: Pass.Man B: Once a girl sexted me after everyone else was asleep at a girls' night, and really got off on doing that while her friends were all asleep around her. And an out-of-town hookup sometimes sexts me talking about our next meeting, and that's always pretty fantastic. Man C: This is so dorky. But I was lusting for this girl so hard, and I thought she was ~~so out of my league or whatever. But then we ended up watching a movie together, and it turns out she liked me, and she sent me all these nudes the next day, and it was the first moment where I realized that I am good-looking enough to have a shot at anyone I want to sleep with, and it was the most empowering feeling in the universe.
Have you ever sexted in public?
Man A: No.Man B: A few times. Mostly during downtime at work, once or twice during class when I was still in school.Man C: Oh yeah, totally. I've sent plenty of sexts in class. I sexted someone from a show not too long ago.
Have you ever carried on a sexting convo while just going about your day, running errands or whatever? Did you lie about your location to the person you were sexting?
Man A: Uhhh, yes. Embarrassingly enough, while I've been in class, we would send sexts to each other. Man B: Well, yes and no. I have sexted while doing normal things like being at work or being at the grocery store, but I'm usually honest about where I am — that slight kink factor almost makes it more fun though.Man C: I've definitely carried out a dirty sext convo while living out my life. I don't think I've ever lied about where I was though.
Which do you prefer: receiving or sending sexts?
Man A: I think it just depends on who needs to get off more. If I'm horny, and my significant other is away from me and knows that, then I'd prefer to receive or vice versa. Man B: With the caveat that one ideally leads to the other, I like sending them. I pride myself on being a writer, and knowing that my words are having an immediate and primal effect on another person is a huge bonus to me. Man C: Obviously I like both, but I think I kind of like sending them more? I don't know, I work hard on my sexts.
Are you an honest sexter? Like if you say, "I'm so hard rn," are you actually so hard rn?
Man A: I'm a pretty honest person so I don't think I would lie about something like that.
Man B: Most of the time. Sometimes it's not exactly practical to be walking around pitching a tent but I usually will tell the girl I'm not really feeling it at the moment.
Man C: I think for the most part I'm being pretty honest. If I'm telling someone what I want to do to them, there's no point in making stuff up.
Have you ever faked a sext orgasm?
Man A: A sext orgasm?
Man B: Not very often but sometimes I just wanna go to bed, you know?
Man C: I don't think so, no.
Do you think anyone's ever faked a sext orgasm with you?
Man A: Ahhhhhh, I don't know! Man B: I like to think that's never happened, but sometimes other people just wanna go to bed too. Man C: There's no way of knowing but I don't think so.
Do you plan on living out your sexts IRL? Like, doing the things you sexted about with your partner when you see her?
Man A: Yes.
Man B: I usually do, depending on the partner and the conversation. Sometimes sexting with someone I haven't actually been with before leads to awkwardness when actually doing the deed, but sexting with a partner can be a good warmup if we want to try something kinky.
Man C: Sure, totally, that's the fun, but also I think most of my best sexting happens with people I haven't necessarily met yet. That's the most fun. You get to build things up and it makes the actual act that much more exciting.
Are you more or less adventurous via sext compared to IRL?
Man A: I think the same?
Man B: Definitely more adventurous in sext.
Man C: I'd say I'm about the same.
Do you prefer to start a sext conversation or be surprised with a sext?
Man A: Doesn't matter.
Man B: Surprise sexts are pretty awesome.
Man C: Occasionally surprised! It's also fun to let things sorta go there.
Would you ever sext with someone you'd never met in person?
Man A: No I would not.
Man B: Sure, isn't that what the Internet is basically built on?
Man C: Of course. That's the whole point.
Have you ever sexted via Tinder?
Man A: No.
Man B: No, once we're at that point, I usually ask them to have mercy on my data and text me instead.
Man C: Sure, once or twice.
In sext pics, do you prefer full nudes or like, tease-y pics?
Man A: Full nudes.
Man B: Tease-y nudes are better — full nudity is best discovered in person.
Man C: I like flattering nude pictures, so whatever that ends up being, I'm down. I will say ultra close-ups of a gaping asshole don't really do it for me.
Do you have a policy about keeping or deleting any nudes you exchange?
Man A: There was a mutual agreement that we wouldn't keep nudes, but I had some screenshots of texts before my phone died.
Man B: In high school, I'd always delete them. But now I usually keep them unless the girl asks me to delete them.
Man C: I have a file on my computer called "All My Friends" it is a pretty comprehensive catalog of nudes dating back to at least my freshman year of college.