I Went to Blow Job School, and Here Are 10 Things I Learned

I Went to Blow Job School, and Here Are 10 Things I Learned

Here's what I learned on my oral exam— and how you can bring these lessons home to your partner
 

I don't have a PhD, nor have I written the next Great American Novel. I have no desire to train for Tough Mudder or any other iteration thereof, because running outside is really hard. There are very few things I'm really good at, but one thing is for sure: I give great blow jobs (or so my exes have told me). That said, I firmly believe in the value of higher education. So when I was offered the opportunity to take a blow job class on a sunny Saturday afternoon, I was quick to sign up.

The 2.5-hour class was offered by StripXpertease, an NYC-based, female-driven enterprise that strives to help women reach their highest level of sexual confidence. (There's also another location in Los Angeles.) Founded in 2005, StripXpertease offers classes on everything from the art of the lapdance to how to talk dirty. If you're looking to boost your sexual IQ, StripXpertease likely has a class for you.

I arrived at StripXpertease headquarters a bit late. Right before I walked in, I had a horrific high school flashback: I imagined the students' heads turning to the back of the room, the teacher stopping mid-lesson to look me up and down. Because this was a blow job class, however, I imagined a room full of women with fake dicks in their mouths, turning to glare at me mid-suck.

Luckily, as I walked in the room, the instructor greeted me with a massive grin instead. “Welcome, my love!," she said. The turnout was impressive: about 18 to 20 ladies, all gathered to learn how to swallow on a Saturday. In front of each seat was a syllabus detailing the lesson plan. At that moment, I knew that this would be no ordinary learning experience (that, plus the fact that all of the desks were strewn with bottles of lube and veiny dildos).

Here's what happened when I went to a blow job class and boned up on going down.